Q: Why did the fish cross the road?
A: It was the chickens day off!
Q: What do you call a fish whith a car?
A: A carfish!
Q: What has an upside down mouth, upside down eyes and an upside down body?
A: A dead fish!
Q: What is the fastest fish in the sea?
A: A motor pike!
A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the bailif! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the bailif. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the bailif finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin license, boy!" the bailif gasped. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the bailif a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the bailif. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes sir," replied the young fella. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."
A guy and his buddies go off for a week long fishing trip. When he returns he is furious with his wife, he say's "you forgot to pack my underwear". Her reply " I put it in your tackle box "
Q: How fast do you need to swim to get away from a shark?
A: That little bit faster than your Mate.
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man. The bailif asked him how he did it. The man told the bailif that he would take him fishing the next day. Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish. The bailif told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the bailif and said " are you going to fish or talk".
There were four blonde's sitting on the bank of a river, each with a fishing pole intently concentrating on the task at hand. A bailif drives by and see's the four women apparently fishing and decided to check for the proper fishing licenses and equipment. He approached the women and told them he needed to check for their fishing licenses and to his surprise, they all replied they did not have one. However, before the bailif could speak, one of the women spoke up and said, "Mr. bailif, sir, we are not fishing for your normal catch. We are environmentalists ridding the waters of garbage and other debris. "We are not fishing for "fish." "We have poles, yes, but on the end of our lines we have magnets. The magnets are gathering up metallic debris from the bottom of this river and therefore, we are cleaning the environment." Stunned, the bailif thought for a moment and then asked the women to retrieve their lines an show him the "magnets" they were using. Sure enough, one after the other, the women showed the bailif various sized and colored magnets at the end of their line. Puzzled, the bailif again thought for a moment then stated. "Well, you ladies seem to be doing a good thing here and there is no law against cleaning up a river bed with a magnet. More people should be like you four. Have a nice day." With that the bailif drove off. As soon as the the bailif was out of sight, the four women burst out in hysterical laughter. Finally, when one of them was able to speak, she said, "Stupid Fish Cop!. Doesn't he know there are STEALHEAD in this river?!!!"
Billy Bob and Jethro decided to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop in their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite. Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro asks, "What did you say?" Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm." Jethro again asks, "What?" Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy." "But why?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."
Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall?
A: Dam
Two fools were in a boat fishing. They had great luck. One fool said to the other "we should mark this spot." So the other one leaned over a put a mark on the side of the boat. His buddy said "you fool that won't work". "Why" said the other. Because his buddy said "we may not get the same boat tomorrow".
Q: If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
A: Finland
Q: What is the fastest fish in the sea?
A: Go-carp.
Q: What whizzes along a riverbed on three wheels?
A: A motor-Pike and a side-Carp.
Q: What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
A: The Codfather
Q: What do you call a fish without the eye?
A: fsh
Q: Where do fish keep their money?
A: In the river bank.
Q: Why did the fish cross the river?
A: To get to the other side!
Q: How do you communicate with a fish?
A: Drop it a line!
Did you hear about the two parrots sitting on a perch ... can you smell something fishy!
A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week and this is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week an set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and will stop by the house to pick my things up. Oh please pack my new blue silk pjamas." The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught any fish… He says "Yes lot of Walleye, some Blugill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pjamas like I asked you to do?" The wife replies. "I did, they were in your tacklebox"!
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